8 Skiers to Spot on the Slopes This Winter

November 14, 2016
80s dude boyne mountain

1. The 80s Dude
This guy has style. He's the easiest to spot because of that bright neon suit that is almost as poofy as his hair. His skis were the very newest technology back in '89, the same year he saw Aerosmith live. He remembers waiting in line to ride America's first chairlift, a two-seater named Hemlock that still turns today. He'll tell you with nostalgia in his eyes, "Those were the days..."

skier in sweater

2. The "I don't get cold" Guy

This guy is a legend. He defies even the harshest of winters, wearing only minimal casual wear instead of full-fledged ski gear. He can slide off the hill and straight into a low-key dinner party without shedding a layer. How does he do it? We'll never know. 

Rider hitting a rail in Ramshead

3. The Terrain Park Junkie
Making every run look like the final rounds of the X Games, the Terrain Park Junkie is a diehard. Don't get dizzy while trying to spot him as he does a 180-...wait, a 360-...no, a 720-degree spin through the air as if gravity is taking the day off. That Go-Pro he's wearing captures a view that makes mothers sick with nervousness--but a Junkie feels only thrills. 

the off roader

4. The Off-Roader
Going where no groomer can, the Off-Roader blazes his own trail through the most treacherous of terrain. Rules are for other people, he thinks to himself as he zooms over logs and stray branches. There is no traffic to slow him down, so he'll get in far more runs than the average Joe.


5. The Racer
As he's been skiing since age two, the Racer was bred for speed. This guy is easy to pick out in his thin ski suit that is undoubtedly printed in the most seizure-inducing pattern (surely part of his competitive strategy). Notorious for being able to tuck his body into the smallest and most efficient shapes, the Racer might be mistaken for a tube of Gogurt. But don't be fooled by his rubbery demeanor, there are bones in his fast-moving body somewhere...we think. 

leashed child skiing

6. The Leashed Child
The Leashed Child is best spotted by first identifying a father who, at the suggestion of starting a family, attempted to persuade his wife that a dog might be a safer option. Alas, that father lost that argument. Once the father has been spotted, it is easy to spy the attached child, spreading his wings into his 5-foot radius of freedom! These memories will last a lifetime, thanks to modern cell phone photography capabilities--a long, well-documented lifetime.

bundled up skier

7. The Bundler
The Bundler looks at the "I don't get cold" Guy and shudders. Spending at least 45 minutes layering layers on top of layers, the Bundler risks heatstroke unless moved to a cooler environment quickly after completion of the layering process. The camera may add 10 pounds, but bundling adds 50, if done correctly. 

pizza lover

8. The Pizza-Lover
Rooted in the Alps of Italia, the term "Pizza" took on new meaning when applied to skiing technique. The Pizza-Lover is perhaps the most stable of skiers, impossible to knock over due to the sound stature provided by his stance. Though the Racer may be more aerodynamic, research is still being done to determine the airflow provided by the open-legged posture of the Pizza-Lover.Every great skier has to have a beginning - and this is definitely it. 

But no matter what type of skier you are...we know that the greatest sport on earth is equally enjoyed by each and every one of you.  See you on the slopes!